r.i.p. no more

resting in pieces, indeed.
that's what we seem to have been doing lately..
i'm one to speak, considering i haven't bothered picking up the pieces here for a really long time.
until now that is.
and the song seems to be pretty ominous of that very fact.
been caught up with a lot of things for a long time to think of Life @ BIT.

but it's time once again.
time to get back to THiNKing, which was lying dormant for quite sometime now.
time to get back to being a BITian.
time to get back to those halls.
and miss those classes whiling away time in the canteen
as the lioness was saying a minute ago,
only time will tell.
----------------
Now playing:
Pink Floyd - Coming Back To Life

myDilemma

We often pride ourselves on the struggles that we've faced, and hurdles which we've passed with great difficulty.. They remind us of some of our greatest triumphs and make us feel good..
It actually feeds the desire to feel good about ourselves.. always.. a constant yearning to see ourselves as a hero or an achiever..
And often, this desire leads us to take up every small difficulty that we face as a big challenge - as if there won't be a tomorrow if we fail..
True, consistent failure is never good, but then such overt exaggeration of every adverse situation, however small, has it's penalties.. most of which scar us for life..

Of late, I have faced with a dilemma.. Am I one of those unfortunate souls who takes everything as a Win-Lose situation?
My closest friend once remarked-You see cake in everything.. Very true.. I hate losing.. Everything I do, reeks of a competitive outlook - I have to win.. I can't lose..
And that has created a lot of strife in my life..

Every dealing that have with another person, I seem to be intent on taking advantage of the other person - for fear of being taken advantage of...
Have lost a lot of friends that way..
Every moment that I spend with people, I have to prove myself to be the best..
I don't care if it makes me seem immature, but the innate feeling has to be sated..

Long ago.. I'd read somewhere-Life wasn't meant to be fair..
And it hasn't been exactly the fairest.. There have been situations which I still feel should have gone my way.. And I keep dwelling on them.. Depressed..
Am I right in doing so?

There have been several opportunities that I've missed, and they've hurt me..
But then it's been those opportunities, which according to me have been snatched away from me, that hurt the most..
I still feel that I could have grabbed them, if only I'd had some time..
And I still plod on the path to snatching back that opportunity.. Is it delusion?
I don't know.. And contrary to many close people's views - I do care..

Am I right in pursuing my life in the field of computers ? - I sometimes wonder..
After all, I'm a mechanical engineer (on paper, though)..
And then again, I remember Google and those interviews.. Every moment of it is etched in my mind.. It infuses a new energy in me.. to strive for that pinnacle in the silicon world, which I've always dreamt of..

Am I right in fighting for such things?
Am I right in still hoping to repair certain damages that I've inflicted on people, even though deep down I know that the damage is irreparable?
Am I naive in believing in the old age adage of "Time heals all wounds" ?
Is it not folly to be continually hoping for my lost love to come back to me?

And am I going mad?
-ONE
...every war has it's casualties,
every victory it's price...